Why beer is better than your child

*Note – This article is something I wrote 5 years ago for another blog.  I wanted to post it cause I really enjoy it.


Are you like me? In your late 20’s, childless, on facebook a lot, and have a lot of friends who are getting knocked up?  Yeah, I thought so….  There are a lot of us out there.  It’s not our faults we don’t have children.  We fancy ourselves as individuals responsible enough not to have children.  But I digress, the reason I started the topic of “Why beer is better than your child” is because lately on FB, a large portion of my friends are having children.  Good for you, you are keeping our civilization moving forward.  But I don’t care for every living update about your child.  I’m your friend, and I will feign interest in your child, but I don’t give a damn that he looks sooooo cute in his new sailor outfit.  That outfit sucks.  Your kid will actually hate you later on in life about that picture.  Look, I know I will be a terrible parent, hell, I can barely keep myself alive with the help of my mother.  So, that’s why I have adopted something far better than any child, beer.  Let me tell you why beer is so amazing.

Regardless of how you treat it, beer will always love you.  All it wants is to be consumed.  Children on the other hand? I assume you have to feed them, bathe them, probably have to change them.  Beer won’t go through that awkward stage when all it does is resent you.  Children will do that.  You remember your middle school years?  You hated everyone and everything.  Beer, nah, it ain’t like that.  Beer just wants to sit down next to you, and enjoy your company.  And what’s the great part about beer?  It will help you forget that you had children.  Yeah, after a few of your closest beer buddies, those little jerk children seem to cry less and less.  And ladies and gentlemen, that’s parenting!


Which one of those seems better?  Yeah, I figured as much…..


Author: husky13836

I am the self proclaimed King of Spain. I recently saved two virgins from the depths of hell, and I did this while getting my Masters from Yale.

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